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Literature Text
Candlelight
You are too blind to witness my invisible fall
Eyeballs bursting into raindrops
The pieces fall into pieces
There is nowhere to go but to you
And I see you standing besides me
When you don't exist anymore.
A heart pinned by the rising mushroom cloud
These withering eyes bring the vision of draining sky
Skilfully marauded by jet plane acrobatics
Imparting fancy shapes to my will's death.
Whenever I tried to reach the heights
Whenever I tried to keep my head up high
This gravity brought me down
With broken bones and without a fight.
Coiled up in a corner
I begin losing everything to the dark
In a blur portrait blackening every second
I see my self drifting away from me.
And I see a burning candle
Secluded in the corner of the room
Spreading forth it's light
While vanquishing the dark
Never ready to yield
Until time consumes it.
It is my perfect mentor
A force that pulls me together
A shining spark of glory
That brings back colour to my jaded portrait.
I won't end here
I'll persevere,fight my way
To bathe in rain
To speak with the flowers
To smell the trees
To float in the winds
And live to live again.
I'll outrun the sky glaring with failure.
© fleeting-rainbow DOT deviantart.com , March'05.
You are too blind to witness my invisible fall
Eyeballs bursting into raindrops
The pieces fall into pieces
There is nowhere to go but to you
And I see you standing besides me
When you don't exist anymore.
A heart pinned by the rising mushroom cloud
These withering eyes bring the vision of draining sky
Skilfully marauded by jet plane acrobatics
Imparting fancy shapes to my will's death.
Whenever I tried to reach the heights
Whenever I tried to keep my head up high
This gravity brought me down
With broken bones and without a fight.
Coiled up in a corner
I begin losing everything to the dark
In a blur portrait blackening every second
I see my self drifting away from me.
And I see a burning candle
Secluded in the corner of the room
Spreading forth it's light
While vanquishing the dark
Never ready to yield
Until time consumes it.
It is my perfect mentor
A force that pulls me together
A shining spark of glory
That brings back colour to my jaded portrait.
I won't end here
I'll persevere,fight my way
To bathe in rain
To speak with the flowers
To smell the trees
To float in the winds
And live to live again.
I'll outrun the sky glaring with failure.
© fleeting-rainbow DOT deviantart.com , March'05.
![[ Honkai Impact 3rd ] Asuka cosplay by Purin](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/d4a0d2fa-7bc6-4a41-aa02-17fbc8b18a24/degbkbt-50bfebe1-1e68-44ce-8ecd-a2fd5f007766.jpg/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_23,scl_0.092,q_70,strp/__honkai_impact_3rd___asuka_cosplay_by_purin_by_aka_purin_degbkbt-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTkyMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2Q0YTBkMmZhLTdiYzYtNGE0MS1hYTAyLTE3ZmJjOGIxOGEyNFwvZGVnYmtidC01MGJmZWJlMS0xZTY4LTQ0Y2UtOGVjZC1hMmZkNWYwMDc3NjYuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.zi0fXxTyZBIn3ZMjq1DEMcHJILi6GtRKe7EfckjKFRo)
![[ Honkai Impact 3rd ] Asuka cosplay by Purin](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/d4a0d2fa-7bc6-4a41-aa02-17fbc8b18a24/degbkbt-50bfebe1-1e68-44ce-8ecd-a2fd5f007766.jpg/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_12,scl_0.046,q_70,strp/__honkai_impact_3rd___asuka_cosplay_by_purin_by_aka_purin_degbkbt-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTkyMCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2Q0YTBkMmZhLTdiYzYtNGE0MS1hYTAyLTE3ZmJjOGIxOGEyNFwvZGVnYmtidC01MGJmZWJlMS0xZTY4LTQ0Y2UtOGVjZC1hMmZkNWYwMDc3NjYuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.zi0fXxTyZBIn3ZMjq1DEMcHJILi6GtRKe7EfckjKFRo)
For a fitting picture to this poem,please goto this deviation by ~licurici 
[link]
The last line "I'll outrun the sky glaring with failure" has been taken from Opeth's April Etherial from their album 'My Arms,Your Hearse'.
[link]The last line "I'll outrun the sky glaring with failure" has been taken from Opeth's April Etherial from their album 'My Arms,Your Hearse'.
© 2005 - 2024 fleeting-rainbow
Comments22
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Whenever I tried to keep my head up high - I'd consider re-phrasing this. You've used very fresh metaphors up till now, but head-up-high is almost a cliche. I'm sure you can be more inventive.
I'll persevere,fight my way - Spacing error.
Well, this is interesting. In overall critique, I'd mention that the poem goes spinning off in many ways - there are thematic divergencies, all sorts of little cappilaries that wander off. That's good - literature should evolve. But make sure there is a cohesive whole behind that; a unifying theme. Here, the only one I could find was of general pain/lonliness. The 'you don't exist anymore' in the early stanza hints at something more detailed - a narrative. Maybe you could expand on that.
But like I said, the figurative language you use is wonderfully fresh in comparison to some of the tripe I've seen. And I enjoyed reading it.
I'll persevere,fight my way - Spacing error.
Well, this is interesting. In overall critique, I'd mention that the poem goes spinning off in many ways - there are thematic divergencies, all sorts of little cappilaries that wander off. That's good - literature should evolve. But make sure there is a cohesive whole behind that; a unifying theme. Here, the only one I could find was of general pain/lonliness. The 'you don't exist anymore' in the early stanza hints at something more detailed - a narrative. Maybe you could expand on that.
But like I said, the figurative language you use is wonderfully fresh in comparison to some of the tripe I've seen. And I enjoyed reading it.